Monday, December 22, 2008

I </3 IE

A contribution by: The Ingenious Teresa Lea

IE (aka: Internet Explorer) represents all that is wrong with this world... stupid people.

If by some chance you're confused brain thought "why?" after the previous statement, then please read on - this story is for you.

Imagine yourself in Boston - I know it's hard since you have never been there, but work with me here.

So, you are in Boston and you need to go somewhere, so you find the closest T station - because who wouldn't want to ride the T while in Boston?? Not I. But first, you need T tickets. Luckily, there is a very handy kiosk that will allow you to buy your tickets to ride the T, so you decide to avoid the lines and use the kiosk.

As you go through the menus, you realize that the kiosk isn't selecting the options you are selecting. Instead, the kiosk is picking the selection below your selection. You become a bit frustrated and go back to the beginning of the menu so that you can allow for this discrepancy and get the right ticket for your ride on the T. You go through the menu again and halfway through you realize the kiosk is now picking the selection above your selection - as you go to start over, you hear an announcement of your oncoming train. This time you begin to rush which makes you even more frustrated, you have to make this work - but alas, you can't make it work.

Completely pissed that you've now missed your ride on the T (and really, who wouldn't be completely pissed that they were not able to ride the T?) so you make your way over to the ticket window to ask for a manager. The manager is flabbergasted! She takes you over to the kiosk to see what in the world is going on, and the kiosk walks her right through the menu system, allowing her to purchase your tickets with no problems.

Now you feel crazy, so you try again with the manager looking on so that you can show her that you aren't in fact crazy or stupid. And BINGO! the kiosk is behaving badly again! You exclaim to the manager "SEE!! SEE!! I told you!" and the manager replies, "No sir, I see you pressing the wrong buttons...". In a fit of anger you tackle the manager, enraged by her accusation!! Other passengers come to her rescue pulling you and your crazy ass off of the manager. In the tussle your glasses fall off and break... you've had the glasses since 1973 so you aren't too worried about it.

In your maddened frenzy you pull away from the other passengers and run to the kiosk to show them. You quickly go through the menu and say "SEE! This machine is making me mad!" and you realize - the machine is working... it was your glasses.

In that moment the passengers overwhelm you and you wake up in a looney bin and live out the rest of your days.

This is what it is like making websites for the stupid people that are still using IE - we waste time and go mad trying to make the sites work for some stupid jackass wearing outdated, shitty ass glasses.

Get some new fucking glasses asshat, THEY ARE FREE - so we can be productive with our time and solve real issues, like world peace, hunger and poverty.

That is all.

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8 Comments:

Anonymous jonathan riley said...

hi, first time i've seen your blog (thanks reddit). Just thought i'd let you know, here's another guy (me!) that's through writing html for redmond_OS: link, look in IE...

I just need to get my web pages hosted on a linux server now :-O

5:33 PM  
Blogger The Hater said...

Sometimes I forget people actually rely on Windows as a fucking server. Honestly, why would you do that to yourself unless you just prefer the feel of Microsoft's cock constantly up your ass like a barbed butt plug?

7:54 PM  
Anonymous jonathan said...

i swear the guy that hosts my stuff is a civilised bloke; i cannot understand why TF he uses ballmer_OS.

10:20 PM  
Anonymous TeresaLea said...

I love it when a man can use the words Microsoft, cock and ass in the same sentence.

6:27 AM  
Anonymous greg watson said...

holy fucking shit. i am losing my mind trying to design even a *basic* page that looks OK in IE. went to download the latest version and it crashed itself with it's own website. then i got through and the page looks like this:

http://www.super-collider.com/example.png

how can they not even design their own fucking site for their own fucking browser??

keep up the hate,
gw

6:18 AM  
Blogger The Hater said...

No fucking shock there, but nice screenshot. You may enjoy this earlier, related post: Microsoft and IE fuck Windows gamers.

9:22 PM  
Anonymous jonathan said...

: "crashed itself with it's own website"
lmao

7:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've just spent a whole day trying to get recaptcha to work nicely in IE6. Opera, Safari, FF, even IE8 work nicely, but not IE6. I hate IE 6. The only reason I support IE6 is because most people (and hence clients) in this backwards part of the world still use it. Yes. Many times I've lovingly crafted a standards compliant, fully kitted out site only to have it fail in front of the client who uses IE6, to my extreme embarrassment. Oh, that div is supposed to be nicely aligned over here, instead it's fallen off the bottom of the page. Thanks, IE 6. In an average week of productivity, I might lose one to three days getting it to work in IE 6, sometimes giving up and going with a non-standard hack just to make the fucker work. The amount of time wasted by web developers around the world, at a conservative estimate, runs into thousands of man-years and billions of dollars in expense. I soooo want to stop supporting IE6, but with 60% of people in this town still using it, I'd be out of business the next day. Fuck IE6. Fuck it to hell.

12:30 PM  

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